I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
