i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
