You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
