you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
