She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
