just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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