Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
