the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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