So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
