Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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