Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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