Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she peed on how many people?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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