I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
