they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
