Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
