Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
