We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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