you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was born a porn star she said
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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