You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
