puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Houston, we have a blender
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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