I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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