Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
