Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
