yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
