I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
