I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
