What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
