i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
