Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
