a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
