I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
