last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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