my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
