His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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