I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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