How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
