It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
