Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
