One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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