So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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