best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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