He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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