you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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