he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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