Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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