i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize