I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
