Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
