We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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