how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
