Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
