She is in my trunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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