Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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