Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
