At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
