I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
