my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
