my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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