they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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