well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize