i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
