first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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