just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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