true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
