YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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