i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
