Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't turn off my feet"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
