I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
