My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
