What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
