Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
