I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
