The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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