If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
