Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
