Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
