the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
