If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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