my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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