Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
