Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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