you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
