And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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