Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
