I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
