I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
